I captured this photo of Linda (10) in Tehachapi, California 2017.
🖤
Today, I found myself reflecting on the early days of ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) therapy with my daughter. It was a time filled with uncertainty, emotional exhaustion, and, if I’m being honest, a fair amount of self-doubt. The hardest part by far was learning how to ignore certain behaviors, like meltdowns, and extreme outbursts. Everything in me wanted to rush to comfort her, to make it stop, but the guidance was clear: if it wasn’t a matter of physical pain, it needed to be ignored.
I remember the therapist explaining that ignoring these behaviors was necessary so they wouldn’t be reinforced. It felt counterintuitive at the time. How could ignoring my child’s distress possibly help? And yet, as painful as it was to go through, it did help.
Redirecting attention was another tool we used, as it helped shift her away from whatever was causing the outburst. Over time, these small redirections began to make a difference. She started improving, little by little.
I suppose the part that sticks with me the most is how I had to manage myself through it all, staying calm, not losing my disposition, was critical. It was hard though, so hard. But the reward came with time, as things did get worse before they got better. I’m grateful that I stuck with it. Seeing the progress, witnessing her grow past those challenging behaviors, made all the suffering as a parent worth it.
Applying ABA isn't always easy, but it works. I can’t help but think back on those moments with a bit of pride, knowing that, as much as I was shaping her behavior, I was also shaping my own ability to cope and stay resilient. It’s a process, and in the end, we make it through.
Today, I am reminded of the strength it took and the payoff that comes, not just for her, but for me as well.
Comments