I captured this photo of my precious autistic daughter (17) before our mile walk. Winter 2024
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If a disability is suspected and confirmed the new reality can be shocking. Some parents may even feel it's a curse or karmic retribution for something they did wrong in the past. Autism or any disability that surfaces in a loved one isn't hoped for or generally planned on. Parents want to have healthy babies that meet all the developmental milestones such as, taking a first step, smiling for the first time and saying their 1st words. Even healthcare providers routinely offer pregnant women a process called amniocentesis, the gold standard for diagnosis of chromosomal and genetic disorders. This procedure "may" help parents prepare for what has been detected before having their child or it can help them in making a decision to abort. It's not my intention to dive into the controversial implications of this procedure, but rather to point out that parents desire to have healthy children without birth defects. Even Prenatal Genetic Testing (PGT) at best "may" inform parents about their unborn child's risk for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). For the most part, ASD awareness begins with the parents observing their child's growth from an infant.
As parents, we observe our infant grow into a toddler and our intuition becomes our guide. Intuition defined by the Cambridge English Dictionary is the ability to understand or know something without needing to think about it or use reason to discover it. I cannot talk enough about intuition, as I understand it to be in line with one's highest connection to Source Energy also known as God, Great Spirit, Most High or the Creator.
Throughout my life I have always had a strong connection with Source, what I now see as expressed through intuition. This deep connection has been with and beside me from the beginning, though I didn't understand its presence fully in my younger years. It wasn't until later in my life I came to understand how Source communicates in and through me. Looking back on an experience I had in 1982 while on a vocational field trip, I had a thought that wasn't random but rather a direct message from Source. The field trip was to a school for the disabled and intellectually challenged. The purpose was to familiarize us students with the disabled so we could have an idea of what we might encounter as dental assistants working in the field. At the time of our field trip autism was rarely talked about and had only recently been given its own separate diagnosis in the US as a “pervasive developmental disorder” within the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III). Prior to the DSM-III publication in 1980, autism was considered a form of childhood schizophrenia brought on by unresponsive or neglectful parenting. Today it's considered a spectrum condition with wide-ranging degrees of impairment. I was excited to enter and observe the school for the disabled. I was curious to see how these special children were being educated. The school staff had our class stand around the perimeter of a Iarge community room. In the middle of the room one of the school's staff introduced herself and proceeded to inform us of the school's history and how it specialized in educating the disabled from severe to higher functioning. They let us know they would be bringing the children out to meet us at the end of the presentation. I can remember feeling a bit uneasy before the children came out because I was unfamiliar with the disabled. My only exposure to disabled children was seeing them on TV during the Jerry Lewis Telethon held annually in the US on Labor Day to raise money for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. When they brought out the children, they had them parade around in the middle of the room. I was filled with emotion as I witnessed the different levels of physical impairments they had. Some were in wheelchairs, some used walkers and others were able to walk on their own with crutches or arm in arm with an aid. A few of the children walked independently with confidence. It appeared that some were unaware of our presence while others smiled and waved. It was in this moment that many visions and thoughts came over me, everything from what parents and teachers go through daily managing the children to who cares for them after their parents pass away. Most memorable was the fearful thought I had that afternoon, which was one of an intuitive premonition. The thought clearly said, "A child such as this will be in your future". Immediately after the thought entered my consciousness I felt fear and rebuked it. "No, please no!" The thought of having a physically and/or mentally disabled child was devastating. I saw it as a lifelong sad reality, a reality I wanted no part of. At the young age of 18, I had heard of how adversity builds character, but hadn't learned this through my own experience. Little did I know my intuition was preparing me for my greatest adventure in knowing love. I had no idea what a profound blessing awaited me.
Confirmation of my intuition being a direct connection to Source was fully realized 14 years later after my daughter’s dual diagnosis of severe autism and intellectual disability. Being a caregiver isn't easy, it requires a lot of mental and physical strength to manage chaos regularly and in a moments notice. Being tested and tried constantly presents an ongoing challenge to stay positive. Strength, endurance and greater patience is developed while caring for the disabled. The new reality is a blessing that brings appreciation for what is often taken for granted, like witnessing one smile after hours of suffering and enjoying the calm moments after the chaos. Suddenly more compassion, empathy and understanding is felt toward parents struggling with their children, as new revelations melt away past judgments. Caring for the severely autistic also serves as training in observance and adaptability while learning to be a behavioral strategist. Learning to communicate on many levels to include reading energy without words is another blessing. The caregiver's journey raises one's understanding of what true love is. I never saw Linda and her disability as a punishment or curse but rather an opportunity and challenge to step into my power. Walking through autism with my daughter has been and continues to be a blessing. Linda is my greatest teacher and gift of love.
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